I had my OB appointment today. As always, I was expecting the worst. I hate when the nurse asks "How are you doing?" as you walk through the hallway to get weighed in. Like I'm going to start going off about how not well I am right there? I always say "Umm... ok..." hesitantly and she says "Good!". At least I got my favorite nurse today though. She is so sweet and kind - the kind of person you feel like you'd like to be friends with even though you hardly know them. Anyway, once in my room I told her about my gallbladder problems and then got into all my worries that have been taking control of me. That brought on the waterworks of course, which I was hoping to avoid. She took note of everything and tried to be reassuring. It was then time to find the heartbeat. I knew it wouldn't be there. I just knew it. Yet I knew I would lose it if it wasn't. The tears continued as she tried to find it. She kept saying "It takes awhile this early on, remember", which I knew, but it still made every second more painful. Then something I didn't expect happened - she found the heartbeat! I was in utter shock. At first the baby's heartbeat was mixing with mine and then the baby moved, so she had to find it again. Then when she did find it I just wanted to listen forever! It was a beautiful 141 beats per minute. Alyssa's was always in the mid to high 160s. There's a myth about boys having slower heartbeats in the womb, but I've read statistics that prove that wrong. Still, it's fun to guess that maybe it means it's a boy! Dr. Hawkins came in awhile after all of that (good thing I brought my Kindle to pass time). I don't think I had ever met her before even though I thought I had met all of their Dr.s. She was so kind!!! We talked about my mental health and she decided to prescribe a drug called "Buspar" to take twice a day for anxiety. I was hesitant to accept it, but she said unlike my antidepressants there is no risk to the baby with this one. I figured it was worth a shot at that point. It takes awhile to start working just like my Celexa, so we'll see.
My doppler is currently on a truck in Perry waiting to be delivered. I can't wait to try it. At least now I know there is a heartbeat, so if I don't find it I'll know it's just because the instrument isn't strong enough yet. I hope it gets here soon!
I can't wrap my head around the amazing friends I have in this world. Some people can just say the perfect things and do the perfect things to just take my breath away. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to have such support, but it is so so so much appreciated. I'm learning that even though I want to lock myself in the house and lay on the couch in my underwear hiding from the world and hiding from Alyssa, going out and being with true friends really helps everything, especially ones I don't have to put a fake face on for. To you my friends who read this and to my best friend, my husband, I am truly grateful. Love you!!!
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